The Lost Princess
by HobiSarang
Summary: Months after Clarke leaves Camp Jaha. Bellamy is finding it hard to deal now that the Princess isn't there. Feeling lost without his co-leader, he decides that sitting around is not enough. He goes in search for the missing Princess. Clarke is out in the forest, death at every corner, but she has someone with her. Someone wild and unpredictable...will she go home if she is found?
1. Being here is too hard

_'It's been months…I've found nothing…Not a single sign of her.'_

 _'What if I never find her…?'_

 _'What if something has happened…and she is…'_

"Bellamy!"

A slap, straight across my face wakes me, shocking me out of the toxic thoughts for a few seconds. My sister, Octavia crouches beside me, glairing like she is staring at the devil.

"Big brother, if you keep this up every night, you can sleep outside!" She hisses in an angry whisper.

O doesn't need to tell me what I was doing. I do it most nights, apparently. No one has been able to sleep in the same area for a while now, but my sister is trying to help.

It's not working.

Every time I think about the missing Blonde, out there alone, in danger or worse, before sleeping...I go into some stupid state and call for her, swear, yell, and thrash around. It's because of how useless I feel, how I have gone looking for her nearly every day for a month and spend weeks more camping out there to scout further for camp. But there's nothing.

There is no sign of her anywhere. Even Lincoln can't tell us anything.

With a heavy sigh, I sit up, rubbing my face roughly. "Sorry O…" I shake my head as I lick the sweat from my lip. Sweating, too. It's been cold lately, but that doesn't stop me from waking drenched…stress sweats. "I was dreaming, I guess."

"I know." She sighs. "Bell…this needs to stop. It's been months. Nearly four…She's gone." She held her hand up before I could open my mouth and tell her off. "I hate it, too. I miss her, too… We all do, Bell. But I think it's time we consider- _seriously_ consider that she isn't coming back…" I can tell from Octavia's voice that is hurts her to say it.

Thought I don't look at my sister as she speaks because I don't want to let her know how much her words hurt. But I know she's right. I know I need to come to terms with the possibility that she is gone forever. That she could be dead.

My face contorts with all the negative talk about her. "I'm sorry, O. I need to go for a walk. Go back to sleep."

"Bell!" Octavia calls after me as I leave the tent. I wait for her to speak, but I don't look back at her. "Don't go looking for her…promise me you'll take people with you next time…just don't go now"

"I won't." Last time I did, I almost got myself killed by some mutated boars. On the plus side, I had killed a few and managed to get them back to camp for meat. We are still going though the rations from it.

I walk the inner perimeter of Camp Jaha, nodding to the guards that stand post. Usually I am posted on with them, but Abby has demanded that I take some time off, clear my head and rest…

I don't need any of that…I need to go searching again.

The last time I left camp, I was confronted with someone else searching for Clarke. Someone I wished I'd never see again. Someone who now wishes they never saw _me_ again.

After getting close enough, I sliced them open, blood all over them, all over me. I was hurt, yes. But I hurt them. So bad I now carry the weight of another death at my hands.

After a long walk and freezing air though my lungs, I head back to my tent, hoping Octavia is asleep again. By the time I reach the tent I am shaking from the cold, the freezing temperature chilling the sweat on me.

I hurry to get back into the tent and the little warmth is possesses and notice Octavia curled up on the other side, breathing deeply as she slept. There isn't much that can make me smile anymore, but seeing my little sister, knowing she is okay…that's something that will always mean something special, something that will always bring me back from any darkness. I just hope mum would be happy with us, proud of us, of me.

Before I upset myself with thinking of our mother, I get back in bed and try for more sleep, silently begging for the lost Blonde to stay out of my dreams.

The next morning I wake with a massive headache and a sneeze with I just know will piss me off in under an hour. Octavia was already gone and the sounds of bustling people carrying out the duties of the camp all around.

I peal myself out of bed, swearing at the cold as I put a jacket on and pop out of the tent. It's not long until I see Abby, mixing in with the people, making sure there was nothing wrong, making sure the injured don't push themselves too hard.

With a deep breath and a stomp in my step, I head for The Chancellor. If there is anyone in the camp who can and will let me out again _today_ , it's her mother.

"I want to go out again."

Abby turns on me, a knowing look on her sunken face. She was beautiful, very much so, for a mother in her stressful line of work. But after all this, after her daughter leaving with no word since… it's like she has aged rapidly, her face thinner and taut, her eyes sunken and dark circles surrounded them.

And I thought I was taking it hard without her… How is her mother still standing…after loosing a child like this… Without knowing if she has died.

"Bellamy, please. Not now." She smiled as best she can. It wasn't really a smile. "I can't take it today, please." She looks down as her eyes fill with tears. "Four months today, Bellamy." Abby didn't say another word, just patted my arm and walked away, sniffling.

 _'Four months…'_

I stare out into the forest, hating it more than I ever have for hiding her from her mother, from us all. "Where are you, Clarke…"

The next week passes slowly, and Abby remains her distant self, not bringing up her daughter for any reason. I start to realise that she is either in heavy denial or is trying to surround herself with work only. But in any case, she is avoiding it badly. She is avoiding her missing daughter.

 _'I can't do this anymore…'_

I march to my sister, ready for a fight. I've had enough resting. I need to be out there again. I need to be out searching for the girl we owe all this too! If it weren't for her, so much would have gone the other way. From the beginning, she has saved us… Now it's time we saved her.

"Octavia!" I grip her arm and pull her aside, earning a glair from her boyfriend, Lincoln. "There is something wrong with everything…everyone, O, and there is something missing from our people… they don't smile…laugh... The kids Clarke and I lead…the few that are left of the 100, they are sinking into something dark. We all are." Clarke was the light that helps us get back out. She was what we looked to for a little good, when we fell too far into darkness, for something to strive for and work for. She was everything to us. "I need to look again."

Octavia sighed heavily. "Big brother, calm down." She grips my face, holding me still and looks straight at me. "I know you want to leave, but think about it, Bell."

"I have!" I shake her off and glare. "That's all I've been doing! That's all I _can_ do! Think about it!" With a swift motion I turn around in a circle, pointing at the forest surrounding us. "She is out _there_! She is out in that forest and we are just sitting here!"

"Bell-"

"No! I don't want to hear it, Octavia! You know she would be out there looking if it were one of us! Any of us! She would be out there searching until she found something!" I was getting loud now, but I don't care. "She would stay out there! She isn't a coward like these people, she is brave and selfless and smart! She would have found a way to stay out there until she found-"

I freeze. _'She would have found a place to make camp…she would find somewhere that can be locked down and hidden…'_

"I KNOW WHERE SHE IS!" I suddenly feel so light headed and my vision blurs. "O, I know!"

"Go."

I turn on the voice. It's Abby, she is standing a few meters back, tears down her face and a gun in her hand.

"Bellamy, if you think you know where she is, take this…and go." Abby doesn't look convinced, she doesn't look happy or even curious. She is flat.

"No!" Octavia stomps in between us, trying to snatch the gun from the Chancellor. "You can't send him out there! He isn't stable and you know it! You said it yourself!" She threw at Abby, ignoring Abby's guards flanking her.

I growled, shoving Octavia aside but she bounces back into my face. "Bellamy, I understand okay! I know if Lincoln were missing, I would want to be out there too. But you aren't thinking straight, you need to calm down!"

"This is nothing like you and Lincoln, Octavia."

"Yes, yes it is, Bellamy." She dances in front of me, keeping me from the gun. "You need her, you want her back beside you. It doesn't matter why you want her back, but you do." My sister pushes me back hard. "You feel for her, I know. But if she wanted to be back here, she would be back!"

I try not to lose it with her, she is my sister and only trying to look out for me, like it do for her…but she is wrong. Something has to be wrong for Clarke to stay away.

"O, Clarke left because she had to kill a _lot_ of people. Children, mothers, fathers, grandparents… a lot of innocent people... But she didn't do it alone. We did it together. We _both_ pulled that lever. We both are hurting." I clenched my jaw, trying not to notice the little crowd hearing my rant. "She might be out there trying to get her head straight, trying to deal with what she has done…but I am _here_ trying to do the same thing."

No one said anything, not even Octavia. So, I continued.

"I have tried to be strong, I have tried to move on and help build something here with for people I have help protect with her…" I swallow the thickness in my throat. "…But it means nothing to me knowing she isn't here, when she is gone. What the fuck does any of this mean without the one who made it happen. None of the hundred would be alive today if it wasn't for her! These people might still be in the ark, dying, for all we know! She saved us all."

Suddenly, I am loosing energy, and my anger wavers and I slump in on myself. "I just want to save her…I want her back." I can't do it alone anymore.

Octavia still remains silent and Jasper and Monty are sniffling, among a few girls from the 100.

A gun is shoved into my chest, Abby on the end of it. "If you don't go out there and get my daughter, I will go myself." She doesn't smile, doesn't nod, nothing. She is deathly serious and I take the gun.

Within a few seconds Jasper and Monty are on either side of me, wiping tears and gripping guns. Lincoln join us with his knives and fists, and more of the 100 walk over to stand with us. It's like some weird gathering of silent mourners. I guess with all the death we have faced, it's a fitting look.

Abby nods. "I know this goes against everything I should stand up for, but I want you all to go." She lets the tears flow, never raising a hand to clear her eyes, she stands strong and I see where Clarke gets her strength from. Abby has lost everything and here she is, standing tall, despite the tears. "I know this is selfish, sending you kids out there for my daughter. But I can see that you are going to go with or without my permission."

I nod once and she reaches for me, brings me down for the tightest hug. Before I seem rude, I hug her back, surprised by the strength in her thin body. "Bring her back, Bellamy." She whispers lightly. "She'll come back if it's for you…"

With a teary look, Abby leaves us, ordering some guards to give us more guns, food, bedrolls and medicine.

I turn to my party. "You…all of you don't need to come with me. It will be dangerous, and I am not coming back until I find her." I speak up loudly so the group can hear. It's a small group, 13 of us, but that's so much more than I ever thought would come out for an uncertain, and very dangerous rescue mission.

"We can't be sure we'll find her, and we don't know if she is alive, but I need to see for myself." I look over the group, and see nothing but determination on their faces. She did this. She is the reason these young people are so brave. If it weren't for Clarke, no one would be doing this for someone.

"We'll find her, Bellamy." Jasper pats my shoulder, a faint smile on his scarred face. "I know she is alive, she has to be."

After a long chat, we decide to head out tomorrow morning. I hated that we are waiting another second now we have permission, but I don't want to blow my chance. This is the first trip I've been on in almost two weeks. I need this.


	2. Searching

The night was short, my nerves and anxiousness making the time fly, even with my lack of sleep. Octavia slept in her own tent, with Lincoln and I was glad for it. I didn't stop pacing or checking the guns or packing and repacking the foods and supplies. Nothing can go wrong this time. Nothing.

At the crack of dawn, when the light began filtering through the trees, I was up and out, ready to start looking for Clarke. The others were slow to start, but excitement and nerves were running wild in them all.

"We're coming, Clarke…" I grumbled, following the way out as she had when she left me at the gate, her kiss still lingering on my cheek, her quite cry still in my ears. "We _will_ meet again…"

We have been out in the forest for weeks now, finding nothing but trails from large Grounders and various animals. It was becoming more disheartening by the day, the reality of it all setting in the longer they stay out of camp. The kids who came along are beginning to lose hope and whispers of going back are beginning to float around. The evidence of Grounders in the area is noticeable and because of that, I find it very hard to keep everyone's head in the game.

I sit by the fire, watching the hot flames lick at the darkness. "We can't go back… I know she's there." _'She has to be there…_

"Yeah, it's sounds like a decent enough place to camp out, sure, but wouldn't be freezing down under the ground, in a bunker?" Octavia scoots closer, not wanting to wake the few that a sleeping nearby. "She may have moved on."

"Why are you so quick to give up?" I glare at my sister, wishing I wasn't hearing what she was saying, seeing in her eyes, the doubt that we will find Clarke. "Why can't you just believe a little."

Octavia sighs, settling down closer to the sleeping Lincoln at her side. I try not to grimace at the sight and she snickers. "You know, you still aren't his favourite person either, big brother. But if you guys want me around, you have to deal with it."

I snort and lay back too. "Sure thing." With a heavy hit to my uncomfortable bag, I rest me head down on the rough fabric. "Go to sleep, O. I want to make it to the bunker on two days." I know it was a lot to ask of them…in this whether and terrain, but I am sick of waiting. Sick of sleeping…

I know where she is, and we are just lying around.

We travel on, pushing further into the hazardous forest. We have suffered no great injuries yet. They worst being Miller, snapping his smallest finger, his right hand out of action. After the jokes of being useless on his own, that he will need help with all things dick related, we move on.

We trek up a mountainside, not knowing exactly where we are and the slope is unforgiving. We are slow to rise, slipping and needing rests too frequently. Before I knew what I was doing, I have the group in a daze as I yell, calling them unfair names, being cruel and rude…

The only thing that broke my weak moment was a sharp slap to my cheek. Octavia delivers it, along with a deafening 'Fuck you, Bellamy!' and her storming off, Lincoln on toe.

I simply walked off too, needing to calm down and clear my head. I am becoming a monster in this hunt. Something needs to chance.

After that incident, I come to the conclusion that the best course of action would be to split up.

And so, we did. The top of this small mountain as our base, we built a dodgy shelter, built a large mound to light if we need to signal the others. I ordered that we split in twos or threes. I opted for Monty and Jasper takes Harper, Miller with one of the girls he has been seeing lately and to my delight, Octavia and Lincoln split, giving the others the protection of someone who know grounder ways. I didn't muck appreciate the prolonged good bye and tongue fest they had before they even had to leave each other.

The groups all got at least one gun and a tent, food and a canteen of water and a share of the little medical supplies.

We said our good byes and parted ways, all with hopes in finding our missing Princess.

Monty and I headed where I thought the bunker was. Somehow it is further than I remember, we haven't even passed the drop ship area yet. I begin thinking that maybe Camp Jaha's maps are wrong.

"Hey, Monty? Don't you think we should have passed the drop ship by now?" I grumbled without meaning too so I clear my throat roughly.

Monty nods, looking around in fast jerky movements. The kid is spooked, being out here for so long, and he doesn't rest his eyes on one place long. "Yeah. Something seems…off." He turns to me. "Don't you think? The maps could be wrong."

I nod as I fold the map up. "We know this forest well enough from the drop ship. Lets find that first. I know my way from there."

There was no argument there and Monty blabbered on about all kinds of things as we made out way through the forest, dodging dangerous animals and rushing from old grounders travel camps.

Before long, Monty is nursing a cut leg and I am suffering from some kind of bug bite that is swelling and oozing puss from my wrist.

"I think you should wash it and cover it with something, Bellamy." Monty grits out through his teeth as he sits in front of the camp fire.

I force down a prideful dismissal of his concern and nod. _'If Clarke were here I would never get away without doing something with this…'_ I get some alcohol out, drenching the golf ball sized lump in it. "Fnnnck!" Close to swearing, but I grit down and mumble the word.

Pain assaults me as the alcohol burns the pussy hole. I close my eyes and squeeze the mount. I don't look as my arm goes hot them numb with pain but Monty's disgusted noise tells me it is horrifying.

"Ugh! Something came out! Something moving! Bellamy…" Monty calls out, the disgust still strong in his voice.

With shaking hands I run more alcohol over and in the wound, this time swearing clearly. "What is it?" With a quick look on the ground where a gathering of blood and puss sits, I see the moving invader. A large larvae of some kind wriggles slowly.

I almost vomit. That was inside my arm? "What is that?"

"Some kind of fly? Or wasp?" Monty rushed over and stomps on it, a squelching noise makes us both cringe in unison. He rubs his foot in the dirt. "Wash it out some more…make sure no more of those things are in your arm…"

"That's fucked up…" I mumbled and squeeze it again. More puss, loose with alcohol and coloured pink with blood, comes out, but not critters.

Satisfied and in loads of pain, I settle down for the night, reluctantly moving close beside Monty. If we want to remain defrosted some personal space must be sacrificed.

Dreams of Clarke and wasps and wounds haunted me all night.

The next day it was obvious that my arm was infected still but the swelling was gone and the hole was still clear of must puss. I cringe as I tent to it again.

We travel faster now, still my arm feeling better and Montys leg wrapped well and, before we know it, we find the drop ship. I rush to search it again, knowing the others times I have I found nothing. This time, when I open the hatch to the higher level, I find something.

"Monty!" I see someone, laying down, curled up, sleeping maybe… They don't move when I call out so my stomach starts to do nervous flips. Is it Clarke? IS she hurt?

I fly up the last of the ladder and rush to the reclining person.

Dead.

Blonde hair, dried blood turning it an ugly brown, a slice down her chest with maggots and flies hanging around it. She's dead. Has been for weeks.

Somehow the smell of rotting flesh only reaches me now, making me gag. "Monty? Don't come up."

"Whats that smell?"

I turn away, silently hoping she dies quickly. I hurry down the ladder and out the door of the drop ship, Monty on my heels. "It's a grounder. Dead. Someone killed her, probably weeks ago, too. There was blood on the floor up there and down here too. "Someone hurt her and she stayed there too die."

"It wasn't Clarke?" Monty asked and releases a long, relived breath. "Thank god! I was worried for a moment there!"

I frown, thinking about the dead girl in the drop ship. She has been dead for weeks, someone attacked her… she must have been close by when she was hurt.

"Who would kill a grounder…near the drop ship?" I ask Monty as he picks his light pack up. I don't give him time to answer. "She is alive, I told you."

"You said the body has been there for weeks… _if_ it was Clarke, she has probably moved on…she could be so far away by now. Or dead."

I turn on Monty, gripping his shirt tightly. "Don't you dare say that. She is stronger than that. You know her, Monty." I release him with a little shove. "Don't say shit like that."

"Sorry." He mumbles and follows silently. I immediately feel like a dick, but my anger and stubbornness stops me from apologising so quick.

"Come on, we aren't far now, the bunker is only a little over half a day trip. If she is there, we will find her by tomorrow morning."

Hearing the sound of footfall on the cold, crispy foliage, I hide, hating that Lexa's people trapped me again! She is a wretch! She is despicable…she…

Biting my lip, I stop my train of thought. If she helped me, helped my people the way she promised…if she didn't abandon me and my people… I may not have done what I did. I may still be with her, we could have lead our people together…

"No!" I hiss, stopping before I started to feel something other and resentment for the grounder woman. She may be beautiful, and strong…but she is also, weak and cruel. "I will not fall for her again."

A crack of a stick under pressure brought me back. Someone is walking close by, someone who is not trying hard to conceal him or herself. They want to be heard. "Clarke?"

 _'Lexa?'_

"Please, Clarke. I don't want to hurt you. I never would, you know that." She is speaking calmly, sounding sad almost. But I'm not going to fall for it. She is vindictive and I know first hand how she can go back on her word.

But, I know she thinks I mean something to her. That kiss…she has feelings for me that I thought I could return one day. But, that day was washed away, along with any other peaceful day between us, when she doomed my people. When she left me to kill all those people. She may not have left me with no choice at all, but it might not have ended that way if she had stayed.

I hold my tongue, knowing that if Lexa found me, it would all be over. I thought she took her people away again. After the first encounter a few months back with her people, I had trapped two of them and left her a note, telling her to back off from her people and leave her alone…I thought she had left.

But she is back…and in person, too.

"Listen, Clarke. I know you are here somewhere. My people saw you hunting. You are alone, yes?" Lexa came into view from my hiding place, under a rotting tree and some shrubs. She is still as beautiful as I last saw her, but a new scar adorns her face, an angry red one, newly healing. _'I could have helped heal her…'_

I shake my head, cursing myself for feeling bad for her. But Lexa doesn't seem to care about it as she struts slowly, looking around with piercing eyes. She has her hand on her sword, a show of caution…and hostility.

There is not much of the woman I was being to have feelings for, nothing but the voice. Her face is scarred and her movements are slow and predatory. Lexa will cut me down…I believe that now.

"Come stand by my side again." She called, lifting her hand from her sword and stopping her walk. "I…realise that I need someone." She looks down. "I realise that I need you, Clarke."

"Are you alone?" I call out, not emerging just yet, but Lexa zeros in on me anyway. She nods once and pulls out her sword, dropping it to the ground and takes a few steps towards me.

What can I do now? She knows I am here…she is showing she is unarmed and alone. What's the worse that can happen…

So, I clear my throat and stand before the grounder leader and she smiles sadly. "You're face…?"

"I was about to ask the same thing." I speak as emotionless as I can, keeping my eyes still. "What happened?"

Lexa's eyes suddenly grow dark. "Never mind what happened to me." She hurried over, touching my face softly. "I am so happy to see you, Clarke." She pulls me in for a hug before I can hit her hand away. "Why are you out here?"

"I had to leave, not that it's any one your business." Acid drips from my words and Lexa flinches.

With a sigh, she begins talking. "I know I have wronged you, Clarke. I have regret it every day since…but like you, I will do anything for my people." She reaches for me again, but I sidestep her. "I needed to save my people."

"And I needed to save mine." I force my anger back down, shoving a down lid tighter to stop it from coming back. "You and I had a deal. We saved both our people. You backed out and left me with nothing…I killed them all."

Lexa frowns, turning her head to the side. "You killed who? You're people are alive, Clarke. I've… _seen_ them." The sour look took her face again.

Ignoring her weird actions, I glared at her. "You left me to fight alone. I had to go in and kill all of those people in Mt. Weather! Children! I almost lost my people. I almost Lost Monty and Jasper…Bellamy!"

"Why would you care about him!" Lexa hisses, moving close as she spoke. "He is nothing. He is selfish and violent. He doesn't listen to words or reason!" She snatched my wrist, holding tightly. "He is not good for you, Clarke. HE was poison for you."

Lexa looks crazy, her face contorted into something rotten. She is the one who is being poisonous. She is the one who is violent and will not listen. She the one who left me… "You are the poison, Lexa." I swallow thickly, hating that these words hurt me as well. "You are the only that left. You hurt me. You hurt my people." I ripped my arm away. "He is everything you are not."

Lexa growled and before I knew what was happening, she pounced on me, knocking me over. She lies on me, pinning me down, and we are so close now, touching everywhere.

Once, I thought about being this close to Lexa, I thought about being with her and loving her. But there is no love now. She is nothing but a negative stop in my heart now.

Lexa brings her lips to mine but doesn't kiss me. "You are tricked, Clarke. He is a cruel person. He did this to me." She brings her scarred side to my face. The cut was obviously deep. It reaches from her eyebrow and stretches down to her neck. The colour is still red and purple of healing flesh. This was a terrific wound, something that could have easily killed her.

"He didn't…" I don't believe it. _'Bellamy was…out here…fighting Lexa?'_

"Oh, yes. He did…He has been coming out here… _hunting_." She grins, the scar creasing. "He killed three of my men before slicing my face open. Almost killing me, too."

I shake my head. "Why was he so far out?"

"My guess is he has a death wish." Lexa leans close again and kisses me, so deep that I could barely move my face away. "And I will for fill his wish, gladly."

"Don't you touch him, Lexa."

"Well, lucky for him, he has been missing from the forest for weeks. I'm guessing he died." She stands, helping me up. "So, since there is nothing to go back too, come with me."

"No."

"Clarke." Lexa spoke as a warning but I am not going to cave.

"I don't need to listen to you, Lexa. You might be the big guy out here…but I have nothing to lose now, so I'm not afraid of you, or your threats." I turn from her, knowing that if she really wanted me hurt or dead, I would be.

"I will find you again, Clarke. I will have you by my side."

 _'Only if it is to bury you.'_ I think as her voice fades into the forest. I knew if I turned around she would be gone, so I don't look back. There is nothing good to look back to.

But, I can't help but touch my lips. She kissed me again and I hate her for that. But I hate myself more, because when she kissed me, I had kissed her back.


End file.
